I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
