And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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