May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
