I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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