They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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