the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
