she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
