he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
