Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
