i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Shame is for Republicans.
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