Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
