My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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