guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
