So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
