I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
