My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
