so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
