I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
