I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
