The maid of honor just puked.
Porn is love you can see.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
