Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
