so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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