people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
