i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
