She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
