I can tuck mytits in my pants
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
