I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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