if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
