atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
