Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
