I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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