so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
