I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
