He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
