remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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