the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
