Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
