If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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