I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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