Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
