Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
