Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
