and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
