You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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