I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
