That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
