He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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