Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
