Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my being single is dangerous.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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