Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
